Halloween – warning, millions of photos!!!

Wow, I’ve actually managed to bruise my toes!!  Quite an impressive feat.  But more on that later!

As you all know last night was Halloween which is the best excuse I can think of to get all dressed up.  Firstly, at work we had Halloween drinks in the canteen on  Wednesday so I got to spend my afternoon decorating the canteen with the other girls and up to my elbow in pumpkin.  I haven’t carved a pumpkin in years and I have to say it was great fun.  I do have an uncanny ability to get mess everywhere though… but I think that adds to the fun.

The place looked amazing and the guys in the canteen did a great job with the catering.  Here’s a selection of pictures from Wednesday.

The master at work!

Rebekka, Erica and me hard at work

Rebekka gutting her pumpkin

Fred the Pumpkin

Kiki, me and Erica – I appear to be pulling a rather strange face!  Situation normal then!

Me, Erica, Ernst (my boss) and Rebekka

The pumpkin carver extraordinaires!!! (Erica, Rebekka and moi)

And personally I think Erica should make this her Facebook profile pic, its brilliant!!!

Then on Friday I was at an expat party, just a quiet one but we got to burn alcohol and recite a spell to keep the evil spirits away (ghosty spirits, not alcoholic spirits) which was great fun.  I need to steal some pics off Facebook of the flaming alcohol as its was very very cool.  And so pretty!!

And then came Saturday!  Now I haven’t done a Halloween party since I was living in Edinburgh and that generally involved going to The Mission – oh how miss that club, though I’d probably be bored of it if I was still living there – and dressing up not dissimilar to how we normally dressed.  So I spent Saturday afternoon going round town looking for inspiration with the help of Mo who I think I called about 6 times over about 3 hours!  I didn’t like any of the costumes in the costume shop so decided to go as a devil and try and get a red dress or skirt.  This was a much better idea.  Though I did have to go back to the costume shop for horns and a tail (never thought I’d have to say that sentence) and it was like a rugby scrum!!  Thought I was about to pass out by the time I’d paid.

Spent about 3 hours getting ready which is always good fun even on my own and got picked up by Dave at about 9 and went round to Mark’s first for pre-party drinks.

Leaving the house.. and yes, that is a bottle of Pimms in my hand!  And LOVE my new pink fluffy jacket… I saw it and spoke to me.  Well its pink and its fluffy… and pink and fluffy… and….

Sober Kate… last picture of that for the evening!!!   And look at the beautiful shoes… so beautiful…. so painful!!  Managed to bruise my toes from dancing so much!!

Attempting to spike Dave’s hair…. the spikes did not last long!

Mark and Dave all ready to go (note the spikes have already fallen over!!).  Mark looking slightly disturbing here… and also kinda like Keith from the Prodigy (I had to explain to him who that is!)

Ready to rumble!!

Couldn’t find a pitchfork so had a whip instead – attempted to crack it but ended up hitting myself.  Its more difficult than cracking lunge whips which I’m a dab hand at

All of us ready to go.  Me, Mark, Krizsta and Fran… and Dave but he’s behind the camera!

We then went on to Dean’s party which was in his garage.  He’d done a really good job, whole place was decorated and there was a proper DJ and disco lights and everything.  Plus fridges full of booze!  So here comes millions and millions of pictures!!  In no particular order as I can’t remember what order they were taken in!

Small disclaimer here… Krizsta had orange hair spray on which rubbed off on everything including me as I kept kissing her!!!!  So any pictures of me with stupid orange stuff on my face, that’s why!!!  Also, as it was dark in there you couldn’t see it… you can only see it on the pictures.

Fran, Dave and me… me and Fran looking a little drunk (Dave was designated driver).

Mark and Miriam

Miriam and moi

Miriam looking fabulous dahling!

I don’t think I can really say much about this picture… it speaks for itself

This was clearly later on in the night!!  And the hole in my tights was there when I put them on!!

Tra la laaaaa

Please don’t kill me Krizsta!

Me and Dave

Me, Miriam, Lilly and Krizsta doing some kind of can-can

Me and Jennifer having a whale of a time dancing like loons

Red lady, orange lady

Ah ha… Dave has an orange forehead… it wasn’t just me!!

Fran, Miriam and mark

LOVE this pic!!

This was clearly later on after vast quantities of alcohol

More and more hole appearing in my tights… by the end of the night they were basically in shreds.  Didn’t help that I thought it was fun to rip more in them!

Fran was trollied by the end of the night… you could just spin him round and off he’d go.  He also lost his cloak, bless!

A prize for the best caption me thinks!!

Aawww

Looking fricking ace Krizsta

Lily

Another stabbing one… should probably have put them together… ah well, can’t be bothered now!

This is a great pic, such a shame about the stupid orange stuff… and the fact I was clearly rather hot after dancing all night!

Sexeh!

Boobs x 4!!

Drunk… us… nevah!!

At about 1am we decided to try another party we had been invited to.  Turned out not such a good idea.  The place was fricking weird.  It was a house, but the ground floor was basically a lounge/bar type thing with an actual bar in the corner.  And the basement was club, with strobe lights, a dj booth and mirrors.  So had a bit of a dance downstairs then some guy came along at about 2 and told everybody they had to leave.  Who ends a party at 2 in the morning!!!!  So we went to leave and this guy basically grabs me and goes ‘where are you going?’… urm, with my friends.  ‘No no, they can leave, you stay here with me’!!!  He then started trying to push/drag/persuade me towards the stairs… luckily at that point rescue came in the form of friends.  Very weird guy.  We went back to Dean’s party but it had also finished by the time we got back.  So the night ended at about 2.30 in the morning which was a bit of a disappointment but it was still an excellent night!!

Looking forward to all the fun this month now.  Got expat drinks on Friday, then Saturday I’m off with John to see the Cezanne, Picasso and Mondriaan exhibition in The Hague which I’m really looking forward to.  Weekend after that I’m going to see Eddie Izzard in Amsterdam which I’m actually giddy with excitement over.  Then its Nancy’s 80s themed fancy dress party and then the week after that is Katerina’s name day party (its a Greek thing) in Amsterdam.  Oh, there is also work fitting in somewhere in all of that!

Urgh, just looked out of the window and its started raining… looks like winter is here.  Maybe we could all just hibernate until May.  Oh, with a brief wake up at Christmas!

The Texting Theory… OK, more of a rant!

In this day and age with so many ways of communicating there are whole new ‘rules’ about what you should and shouldn’t do.  Lately this has been driving me crazy!  Now I’m very much a what you see is what you get kind of girl.  I’m also impatient and impulsive.  So, if I get a text you will get a reply as soon as I read the text which is generally straight away – regardless of who you are.  What’s the issue with that I hear you cry…. well with friends this is perfectly fine, however when it comes to the opposite sex apparently new rules come in.

For instance, if a guy you’re interested in texts you, you shouldn’t reply back straight away.  Now personally I think this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!!  Surely if you are interested in someone you want them to like you for you, not for some fake image you portray.  Why the hell should I pretend to be this ice-queen who doesn’t give a shit if actually I do.  And if I do have to pretend to be someone I’m not surely I shouldn’t want to be with them… if only it were that simple!  Nowadays it’s all meant to be about games and tactics when it comes to relationships, well I can’t do that.  Never have been able to.  I like someone, I tell them… I’ve had guys tell me I’m scary because of this before

The other downside to this is I generally get impatient to get replies to texts… because I expect everyone to reply like I do.  But then I just lose patience and call instead

So from now on, no more games.  I mean, I’ve never really done them anyway but I’m going to stop even trying.  This is me, take it or leave it.  If you don’t like me for me then bugger off   I’m very happy with the person I am   Coz I’m great… mwa ha ha!!

Boycott Lush for Christmas

This is something I feel strongly about so thought I’d put up a post.  Lush will be producing a bath bomb this season from which proceeds will got to support hunt saboteurs.  Not just anti-hunt people, but the sabs… those lovely people who spray mace in hounds’ eyes yet the people who humanely dispose of vermin are apparently the cruel ones.  So take a stand with me and boycott Lush.  I won’t just be boycotting for Christmas but forever, I will not give a single penny of my hard earned cash to something I feel is just wrong.

Full article with the details can be found here.  There is also a Facebook group with the same name as this blog post which would be worthwhile joining.

On a more cheery note, Obama has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize!!  Nice to see that people who are actually trying to make a difference are being recognised!!

Peanut Butter and Ice-Cream

Yes… that was my sustenance this weekend.  Leaving the flat seemed like far too much effort after the carnage of Friday night, so my diet got based on what was left in the house.  So peanut butter and Ben & Jerry’s!!

So yeah, Friday!!  It was Erica’s birthday so we were going out in Haarlem which is just south of Amsterdam.  First we went out for a lovely tapas with the obvious sangria   We then moved on to a bar/club just around the corner which was really good fun.  Haarlem is really pretty as well which I wasn’t expecting, there is this massive square right in the middle with a bit old cathedral.  I would have taken pics but was a bit drunk by that point!  I didn’t get many pictures throughout the entire night actually.  But here are a few:

Birthday girl looking gorgeous as usual.  She has to be one of the most photogenic people I’ve ever met!

Mara (who I also work with) looking very cute.

All the ladies looking fabulous

And in the bar towards the end of the night.  I only took one pic in there so its not great but Almi’s (the girl doing the pointing ) face made me laugh.

I decided to go home about midnight.  I was feeling very tired and there were a couple of coupley couples (wow that’s a lot of couples) who I was fighting the urge not to scowl at

So ended up talking to Bas for like half an hour on the way home about god only knows what.  Then was sitting on the train with my ipod on full volume which usually indicates that I don’t really want to talk to anybody.  At Leiden a load of late teens/early twenties got on  and proceeded to poke me till I took my headphones out and then spent the rest of the journey back trying to chat me up.  With cracking lines such as “Will you have sex with me”, my response “tempting though that is I think I’ll pass”.  There was another one who’s age dropped 2 years every time he spoke to me and then another who was asking me if I knew every British person he’d ever heard of.  I think he’s now convinced that I know Prince William personally.

Got back to The Hague and decided that actually I didn’t feel like going home yet so texted some people and went and met up with Gustavo and Mo and some of their friends.  Now I was already pretty damn drunk by this point.  Ended up staying out till about 3.30 after going to the Paap and then walking the longest route ever with Gustavo to find a damn taxi.  Got home about 4 then decided I couldn’t be bothered to go to bed so more chatting to Bas on the phone and then watched TV till 6!!!

The hang over on Saturday was very impressive I must say.  I was meant to be going to another birthday party on Saturday night but fell asleep on the sofa at 4 in the afternoon and woke up at midnight…. oops!!  I had one of those really really lazy weekends where I didn’t move off the sofa, didn’t get dressed and ended up eating the remains of my fridge which was ice cream and peanut butter… very Bridget Jones.  It was also the first time I let myself wallow a bit which I must say was very therapeutic and I’ve been totally hyper all week.

This week has been fairly quiet so far, Monday I ended up chatting to an old friend from Carlisle who I haven’t spoken to in years which was fabulous!!  Not only that I got offered a permanent contract at work which was fantastic news.  I was expecting to get offered a contract for 1 year to start with so I was bouncing off the walls after hearing that news.

Tuesday we had drinks at work to celebrate some good news and I’d hardly eaten anything at lunch so got a little tipsy from one beer… which was interesting seeing as I was getting a lift home with my boss!!  Then last night was great fun, went out with Clare who I haven’t seen since my birthday and since then has gotten engaged   So a big congratulations to Clare and Andy.  Now I have to start saving to get to Boston next September for the wedding!!  It was really great to catch up and give each other all the gossip as so much has happened in the last month and a half (plus there was a very very yummy bar man who was game for a little flirting ).

So tomorrow night I am out again then so far no plans for the rest of the weekend.  Will see what happens.  There is the possibility of going out in Amsterdam which I’ve never done but have to look at the cash flow before I decide upon that one!  If I end up with no plans I think I’ll go out with the camera again and see if I can get some nice local photos from the area I live in.

Lille Part 2

I have most of my SLR pictures rom Lille back and some have turned out well but for some, specifically the close up ones, I actually prefer the ones taken on my teeny tiny digital. 

I feel this has potential but didn’t quite make it

The Lille coat of arms

I really like this one…. its very French

I’m really liking stuff taking from this kind of angle at the moment.  I’ve got quite a few.

Again, not a very technically brilliant photo but I like the colours and the feel of it.

Misty French Morning

This was the fountain I got yelled at by Crazy French Lady for photographing!

Love this picture

Pigeon and Mark

I took quite a few of these pigeons, this is my favourite though.

Rainbow

These guys looked so chilled out.  They also had a dog that they’d tied 3 balloons to so could see where he was all the time, very cute!!

These next two were me playing around with different focues

Quite a good one of Mark I thought

Again, playing about with focus

And again.  I think this looks a bit like something out of Honey I Shrunk the Kids

And lastly the big picture of the fountain.

Lille – 25-26 Sep 09 – Part 1

Well this Friday was our roadtrip down to Lille.  It was so much fun!  First, myself and Mark went to pick up the car and managed to not get lost and then once we’d picked up Evy we headed down to France.  I drove all the way there so we made pretty good time and were at the hotel before 9.

After a quick freshen up we headed straight back out to a little wine bar and restaurant recommended by the hotel concierge. We would NEVER have found it if we were looking for it on our own.  It was down this tiny little back alley and was just so beautiful and authentic.

[pic of restaurant - still to be uploaded]

Lille is really pretty so walking through it at night was a delight.  We had rather a lot of wine with dinner and I proceed to tell just about every French boy we walked past he was pretty which Mark and Evy found hilarious.  I then decided that balancing on the curb aaaallllll the way back was a great idea and waving at the people parked in the cars that I wobbled past.  People tend to think I’m a fun drunk or just completely insane!  I have fun and that’s all that matters.

The chandelier in the restaurant.  I like the colours in this picture.

Part of the Lille Opera House all lit up for the night.  Again, like the colour in this.

So, back at the hotel we had a bit of a pyjama party with wine in Mark’s room and Evy offered to read the tarot cards for me.  I was very interested in what she would say but I was not prepared for what happened.  She said a lot of stuff that is things I’ve been thinking but haven’t vocalised to anybody and it really hit me.  It was a very very emotional experience and I burst into tears afterwards.  Not going to go into what was as its really personal whether you believe in that sort of thing or not.  Really interesting though.

It was also whilst sitting in the hotel room that my favourite quote of the weekend was provided by Evy.  She was sitting there opening all the draws and just generally looking around when she says “This is a really boring hotel, there are no dead bodies!”

PJs and wine… would could ask for more!!

Evy reading the cards.

And Evy consoling me after making me cry

Finally crashed out at around 3.30 in the morning and then my body being like it is was awake again at 6!!  I managed to doze till about 8 but then had to get up.  Luckily Evy is a heavy sleeper so I didn’t wake her up.  She even managed to sleep while I was in the shower!!

Then we headed out to the square for bowls of coffee and fresh croissants

YUM!!

Mark with his morning cigarette

Evy looking very French.  The French kept saying that she looked French!

Meeee… loving the colour of my hair now its blonde again.

We then went our separate ways to take lots of pictures and generally wander about.  Me and Mark stuck together while Evy went in a different direction.  Here are a few of the pictures taken.  All the ones by me that are on here at the moment were using my little digital camera.  My films from my SLR are currently being processed so I won’t get those until Thursday and they will hopefully be much better.

So firstly, here is some of my pictures.

Fountain in the square where we had breakfast.

I loved all the old lampposts, just thought they were gorgeous

This is part of the railings in the park that we found… and then rested our feet in for about an hour!

CONKERS!!!  I also took a lot of these with my SLR so really interested to see how they came out.

Pretty flower… currently my desktop background

I adore this chain.  It was massive and I think I’ve got a fantastic picture of it on my SLR…. fingers crossed it turns out as well as I’m hoping.

Here I was playing around with the repetitive form of the railings a bit.  I’m still not sure about this one, again think I have better ones on my SLR.  You can see the Opera House in teh background here as well.

MUSCLES!!!  And yes, I ate the entire pot myself… after having escargot for starter.  Mark and Evy shared a pot… clearly I am a pig when it comes to good French food

And finally a few pictures that Mark took of me that I really like.  He has a big posh DSLR camera so they are a bit better quality than mine!

Moi avec le conkers – check out my awesome French!!  I did take a LOT of pictures lying on the floor.  Including at one point getting yelled at by a crazy French lady for taking photographs of a public fountain!!  It was the fact that she walked past Mark who was also taking pictures and ignored him in order to come and yell at me.  It was quite funny.  Again, hopefully there are some good pictures on the SLR of that.  Anyway, conkers!

Squinty face!

I know its not technically correct, but I really like the sun glare on this picture.  Gives it a bit of an ethereal feel.

And lastly me looking quite cute… even if I do look about 15.  But hell, if I can look that young at 28 then I’m not doing too badly!!!!

We also did a bit of shopping and I may have gone a bit overboard on a very silky sexy French nighty and dressing gown but they are gorgeous!!  French lingerie is just beautiful.  Once I’d bought it Mark was like ‘now you need a man to show it off to’, to which I replied ‘no I don’t, I can have sexy stuff just for me’

Mark drove back and I passed out in the passenger seat while Evy was asleep in the back.  By the time we were about half way back I was a bit more awake and very very grumpy.  I was tired and exhausted and I don’t like travelling back from places so get intolerant and impatient.  I ended up having a major rant at how crap the Belgians are at roadsigns (at one point there was a sign that said Breda and Brussels were in the same direction… we were at Antwerp, Breda was North, Brussels was South…. one was not amused!!).  But we got home safely.  I was meant to go out on Saturday night but was just tooooo tired, so sat chatting on skype instead

I will update again on Thursday or Friday once I get my good pictures back and will see if there is a noticeable difference.

First Phototgraphy Group Pics

Well Mark has just emailed me through some of the pictures we took the other night.  You can tell that I have next to zero experience of taking portraits, everybody elses were much better than mine.  I very much enjoyed being the model too though and am really please with some of the pictures.

There will be a lot more from this weekend as I think we’ll all be taking hundreds of photos – I will have to wait a bit longer for mine though as I’ll have to get them developed first!!

Anyway, here they are:

Me and Kriszta

I really like this one of Kriszta

I LOVE this pic of Mark… think the smoke looks really cool

A lovely picture of Evy.  Her hair is great against her skin!

Kriszta’s dog Ernie who is such a sweety.. and loves posing :

I think the light in this is really flattering.  We were messing about with candle light which is so soft it really makes your skin glow

This is my absolute favourite.  I just think the composition is great (plus its very flattering which is of course always a bonus)

Sate Tipi

Yes… truly I am an arts and crafts genius!!!  Check out my lunch time creation using only potatoes and the skewers from my chicken sate

So, onto more serious things.  Well actually not that serious because at the end of the day this is me!  Still very busy on the social side of things which is marvellous.  Gives my brain very little time to actually do any thinking which is the whole idea.  I had quite a quiet weekend with my girlies which I think they enjoyed.  I decided to see if a wine bottle cork was a good toy while they were out on the sofa with me.  It turns out that a cork is an excellent toy…. to shred!!  There were bits of cork EVERYWHERE!!  But it made me laugh so its all good.  Ella is getting very cheeky, her latest trick was to actually steal my lighter out of my hand as I was using it!!  This morning their water bottle was on the floor as they’d decided to eat through the hair bobbles that were holding it to the cage (yes I forgot to buy a clippy thing so had to improvise)!

Last night was really good fun.  We had our first amateur photography group meeting.  Basically I decided I didn’t want to join the formal expat group here.  They were just a lot more professional that what I was looking for and a few friends from the expat group also wanted to explore their photography a bit more so we thought we’d just get together.  So we met at Mark’s place and he cooked us a delicious stir fry accompanied by generous amounts of wine which is always a good thing.  It all got very giggly and I don’t think the cameras came out till about 9-9.30!!!  We just worked on portrait pictures which I’ve not done before so it was nice watching the others and seeing how they used the light and the angles.  There are some amazing pictures of me so as soon as I’ve got copies of those and of my work I’ll put them up on here.  It was really really good fun.

Our next session is actually tomorrow as the 4 of us are going to Lille in France for the night.  We’re driving there after work tomorrow then staying at the Crown Plaza before spending Saturday taking pictures and coming back on Saturday night.  I LOVE France so am really looking forward to it.  I’ve not really spent much time in the north of France, most of my visits have been either to the south or to Paris (which is think is possibly my favourite city).  I’m the only one going with a film camera (as well as my little digital one) so it will be interesting to see the difference in what’s taken.

I have also done my first little movie review for Fiesta Diva.  Feel free to go and have a read.  I now need to finish the book I’m reading so that I can review that one too.  Its quite hard reviewing something without giving away plot points!

And last but not least I’d like to say congratulations and good luck to Simon and Claire who are getting married in Yorkshire tomorrow.  I really hope you have an amazing day

Busy Busy Single Bee!

After the very heavy post yesterday I thought today I’d post something a bit more lighthearted and a bit of an update on what I’ve been up to and what I will be getting up to.  I can’t believe how busy I’ve got over the last few weeks, its crazy!  A huge amount of this is down to being single again… the last couple of weeks have been a real eye opener for me.  When I’m with someone I factor them into all the decisions I make, its just the way I am.  I’ve been in relationships almost nonstop for the last 6 years and then all of a sudden the only person I have to factor into any decisions is me.  Its wonderful

Last Saturday I randomly bumped into a friend in the street, ended up going for a couple of beers, then food… then two bottles of wine and more beer later its 1 in the morning and we’re still sitting chatting.  I just couldn’t really have done anything like that before and I was great fun.  I can’t remember the last time I sat and talked nonstop for 8 hours – which is surprising considering how much I love to talk

I also had dinner with my ex (not the last one, the one before – it gets confusing I know) on Friday which was great fun.  We haven’t seen each other in ages so was good to have a natter and a catch up.  The girlies (my rats) liked him too and thought he was great fun to clamber about on… obviously the girls have to approve all guests to my house now.

I am getting into a bad habit of talking to either myself or the girls.  Yesterday I was having a discussion with myself about the fact that I was having a discussion with myself.  I think I may be going mad.  No, scrap that, I think I might be going madder!

Sunday I met up with Eveline who is a friend I’ve met through the expat group Legal Aliens and we went to a really nice jazz cafe in The Hague for coffee called Pavlov’s.  We had a great time and are hopefully getting together soon to do a bit of photography together and get a girly day trip sorted.

This week is getting rather hectic already.  Yesterday I went along to IMAGES Photo Club to see if I wanted to join.  I have to say it was a bit more professional than I was hoping for.  I’m literally just starting out with photography and they started getting into all this technical talk which just went straight over my head.  There were some fantastic photos though, clearly some very talented members there.  I’m not sure if I’m going to join or not as I think there will be a lot of unexpected costs with all the trips they do so may just do a bit of amateur stuff with some friends of mine who also do it.

Tonight I’m picking up stuff of mine from Bas’s new flat that he still has.  Looking forward to seeing his place actually as it sounds TINY!  I’m more looking forward to getting my cushions and electric whisk back though.  Plus he’s cooking me steak… YUM!

Then tomorrow and Friday I’m meeting friends for drinks, Saturday coffee in the afternoon with a friend then meeting another friend in the evening and then the plan is to go to yoga at 10 on Sunday morning but that may well depend upon the hang over!!

I’m also getting involved with a website that a couple of my girlfriends from work have set up called Fiesta Diva.  Currently its focused on fashion and beauty and parties and food, but I’m going to start doing some book and film reviews for it as well which I’m very much looking forward to.  So any films or books you’d like to see me review feel free to post your suggestions.  Not sure when the first one will be up but for now feel free to join the website and come and chat to us on the forums – this may be more appealing to the girls than the boys.

Finally, thank you to all of you who contacted me about my post yesterday, it meant a lot that so many of you appreciated me posting that!

So here’s to being single and strong and living life to the max!

Lumps and Bumps

I have been umming and aahing about doing this post for a few weeks now.  Its a bit of a sensitive subject and not the easiest to talk about BUT I decided I would put it up because I think its important that if the same thing happens to someone else they know that there are other people out there who have gone through it.

It all started the week before my birthday.  I was lying in bed alone on the Monday night and noticed a lump on my left breast.  Now this is a very scary thing to find on your own and I did freak out and didn’t sleep very well that night at all.  Obviously the first thought that leaps into your mind is cancer and that does not do good things to your head!

So the next day, after calling my nearest and dearest to help me calm down, I called the doctor and got an appointment for the Wednesday morning.  He was a very nice doctor and had a look and said I needed to get an ultrasound to check what it was.  Luckily he managed to get me an appointment at the hospital for the next day (the usual waiting list is 2-3 weeks!).

My work was really good about me having to take a half day (the appointment was at 2) at such short notice so off I toddled to the hospital.  Now I haven’t been to a hospital in years, in fact the last time I was in one was probably when my Nana died, so they aren’t exactly full of happy shiny memories.

After registering with possibly the grumpiest receptionist in the world I head up to radiology and wait for my turn.  When they called me they asked me to go into this tiny little cubicle with a door on each side.  So in you go and they ask you to take you top and bra off.  First thing I ask is if I can have a gown… oh no, no gown!  So I lock the door, put my clothes in my bag and then the nurse opens the door on the other side.  I’m sort of holding my bag in front of me and he just goes ‘no no, leave your stuff in there, its locked’.  So I then have to walk into this room with about 5 people in it semi naked… the Dutch aren’t big on modesty clearly!

So once I’m on the bed thing they use the ultrasound to have a look and from looking at it say that they are pretty sure that its something benign.  Either a fibrous cluster or enlarged lymph nodes; but to be sure they want to take some cells to test.  So the radiologist explains that they are just going to put a needle in and take some cells and it will feel a bit like when you get blood taken but maybe a bit more uncomfortable as they have to wiggle it about a bit.  I felt I could deal with that.

They take the cells then they have to go and check that they have enough in order to be able to do the test.  This takes about 5 or 10 minutes and during this time they don’t bother covering me up, two of them are having a conversation in Dutch over the top of my naked breasts, another is on the telephone and they are using my legs as a table!!

Once they have finished checking they decide that they don’t have enough cells to do the test.  They need a bigger needle!  This time they come at me with a fucking 4 inch thing!  Excuse the language but it was necessary!  The radiologist comes at me with this thing and I just choose a spot on the ceiling and focus on it.  This time it hurts!  We go through the same procedure again with them checking the cells they get and the STILL don’t have enough.

Its decided to call in the head radiologist.  By this time there are about 8 people in the room and I’ve still not been given anything to cover up with and most of what they are saying is in Dutch despite me asking them to explain what’s going on in English.  The head radiologist is this really old creepy looking guy who decided to try going in from a different angle.  He didn’t even try not to make it hurt.  He properly jabbed it in and was wriggling it about really hard.  Hurt like a mother fucker!! Excuse my french!  I really really don’t like that doctor!

Anyway, once again they didn’t know if they had enough cells but didn’t want to try again so said they’d try and do the test with what they had.  The old guy said though that because the lump moved away from the needle this was a good sign as these sort of benign masses are known for being difficult to get cell samples from.

My poor boob felt very battered and resembled a pin cushion!

I got the results about a week later and they are 95% certain it is enlarged lymph nodes but they couldn’t do the test as there weren’t enough cells.  So I have to go back again in 2 months to go through the entire procedure again.  Which obviously I’m looking forward to with relish!  As my best friend said “maybe your cells will cooperate this time” but this is me we’re talking about… every cell in me is awkward

So any girls (or boys) out there going through the same thing, know that you aren’t alone and its actually very very common to find these lumps and bumps.  I actually checked up on the statistics and 85% of breast lumps are found to be benign so there really is no need to panic if you find something… even though that’s exactly what you want to do.  Just hope that you don’t have to use Dutch doctors!  I think they skip the lessons on bedside manner here!

But DO get it checked out.  Yes its horrible and humiliating but its better than ignoring it.  I managed to do this entire thing totally on my own and never even had a hug from anybody that entire week – and anyone who knows me knows that I don’t like doing anything on my own!  Its very hard, I’m not going to deny that but I feel so good about a. dealing with it so quickly and b. being strong enough to do it on my own (well… I had a few certain people on the end of the phone the whole week who were great and I love them to bits).